NDub's trip to Motown

FatherDub and myself headed to Detroit last Friday for a Tigers-Kansas City Royals game. What started out as an evening of soaking in some late season baseball turned into a night of drunken idiocy.

We first headed to historic Tiger Stadium to say goodbye to the place since it will likely soon be torn down. The last game was played there in 1999. And it opened in 1912. It's pretty worn down.

Standing at the corner of Michigan and Trumbull (where Tiger Stadium is located) I told FatherDub I should steal a brick from the road. Oh, the foreshadowing.

We ventured to Cheli's Chili Bar, a huge restaurant and bar across the street from Comerica Park, for some pregame beers and grub. It's owned by Detroit Red Wings player Chris Chelios. It was flowing with hotties, big black security guards who looked like former Lions offensive linemen, and drunk people. I also found a few Royals fans, who completely wasted their time and money to see their crappy team play out of state.

Next was picking up our tickets at Will Call. I actually found half of the Royals fanbase standing in line.

Then it was into the ballpark. This entrance resembles a pirate ship.

Here's a shot from the upper deck. Ford Field, where the Lions play, is literally built on the next block.


This is my thigh, which is much less pasty than Bill Simmons'.


By the seventh inning, things were starting to get blurry. I didn't know how much I drank until FatherDub informed me I pounded six 24 ouncers. Upon this realization, I darted to the nearest beer vendor to buy two more before they shut down for the game.

I found Sparky Anderson.


This drunk moron tried for about three innings to get the wave going. It never made out of his section. He was persistent, though, and that's what really counts.


After the game and a few more beers at Cheli's, I talked FatherDub into driving us to The Corner, where I bravely ran in front of traffic and to the shock of many onlookers to grab one of these.


The blue chards in the plastic baggie are paint chips from Tiger Stadium.

Roy Hobbs wasn't an angel

ESPN.com Page 2 columnist Jim Caple asks in his recent column "Who ever said Roy Hobbs was an angel?" why people always hold fictional baseball character 'The Natural' Roy Hobbs in such high regard.

Caple says Hobbs was hardly a role model because he was a womanizer, gambler, difficult teammate and probably used steroids to enable him to play at a high level at the age of 36.

You're right, Caple. Hobbs wasn't an angel; he was a baseball god.



How does that not give anybody chills?

And if Caple wants to get all fictional on us, then to him we say this. That epic homerun blast won the pennant and sent the New York Knights to the World Series. Hobbs was bleeding through his jersey during the at-bat because he was suffering the effects of a deliberate poisoning that aggravated the life-threatening shooting injuries that destroyed 16 years of his career.

Can Tiger Woods do this?

Who would think of doing this? Now that I think of it, we will probably attempt this next time we are all drinking and golfing together.
Very bad form, but somehow does not hit his friend in the face.

This guy will K you

Thanks to our pal Earl F. for sending us this video.

This pitcher has Rick Vaughn's fastball, Greg Maddux's movement and Dice-K's gyroball all in one pitch.


Sick Whiffle Ball Pitcher - Watch more free videos

Ok, so it's only wiffleball. But I never remember facing a pitcher like that when I was six-years-old.

Seriously though, how old is this guy and the players in the games? These dudes gotta be in their 20s. I had no idea it was still cool to play wiffleball past the age of eight. I guess I'll have to get the Construda staff to ditch our summer softball league and pick up wiffleball.

Bonds calls Ecko stupid, agreement ensues

Barry Bonds spoke some choice words on Tuesday for Mark Ecko, the fashion designer who bought the slugger's record-setting 756 home run ball.

"He's stupid. He's an idiot," Bonds said. "He spent $750,000 on the ball and that's what he's doing with it? What he's doing is stupid."

Ecko set up a Webpage for voters to decide what to do with the baseball. The options are to send it to the Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown, NY; brand the ball with an asterisk then send it to Cooperstown; or send it into space as symbolism for "out of sight, out of mind."

I agree with Bonds.

While the clothes designer may have the $750,000 to burn without second thought, what's troubling is that he's trying to democratize this debate when there are more factors involved than just steroids.

Ecko claims on his Webpage:

"We all have an opinion about Barry Bonds' ball that broke Hank Aaron's home run record. Some feel it is a piece of history that belongs in the Hall of Fame. Others believe it is the embodiment of a cheating culture - not just in baseball, but in professional sports overall. I have my own opinion, I've been part of this debate just like everyone else."

The problem with that line of thinking is that Ecko believes fans are going to vote based solely on the alleged steroid use that has swirled around Bonds for almost four years.

Not all fans, in fact a good percentage of them, boo(ed) Bonds simply based on the steroids and cheating. They boo(ed) him because he's a self-absorbed crybaby jerk. Furthermore, a man cast in the negative spotlight is the last person fans want(ed) to see pass Aaron, who's been called one of the classiest baseball players in history.

Also, as an ESPN poll a few months ago indicates, many fans don't like Bonds and didn't want him to break the hallowed record because he's a black man. Some of those numbers were baffling considering Bonds was in pursuit of a black man's home run record.

I fear many of these voters are going to select the second and third options simply because of the aforementioned factors other than steroids. That's a sad reality and probably even a sadder fate for the historic baseball.

O.J. Simpson is Byron Leftwich

Just minutes ago on Tuesday evening's 6 p.m. SportsCenter, the program led with the news that O.J. Simpson has been charged with eight felonies in the Las Vegas sports memorabilia incident. Next, ESPN brought in John Clayton and Mark Schlereth to analyze the Atlanta Falcons' signing of Byron Leftwich.

Across the bottom of the screen, we found this.

Thank goodness for the DVR as we were able to rewind and snap a few shots with our digital camera.

Simpson's image was only up for 10-12 seconds before the graphic was taken down and put back up with Leftwich's mugshot.

McNabb out of line with racial comments

A day after he criticized himself for not making good throws or enough plays for his team to win on Monday against the Washington Redskins, reports surfaced that Donovan McNabb said black quarterbacks face more scrutiny than their white counterparts.

In an interview with Bryant Gumbel of HBO's series "Real Sports," McNabb said black quarterbacks "have to do a little bit extra" because there are few of them (6 of 32 in the NFL), adding "people didn't want us to play this position."

McNabb said if he passes for 300 yards and his team wins by a touchdown, critics will say, "Oh, he could have made this throw here. We would have scored more points if he would have done this."

Asked if white quarterbacks such as Peyton Manning and Carson Palmer are held to the same standards, McNabb replied: "Let me start by saying, I love those guys. But they don't get criticized as much as we do. They don't."

We, as in current black NFL starters are: Jason Campbell, Washington Redskins; David Garrard, Jacksonville Jaguars; Vince Young, Tennessee; Steve McNair, Baltimore; Tavaris Jackson, Minnesota; and McNabb.

McNabb's comments are disagreeable and, frankly, out of line. Remember, this is a guy who said he supports dog killer/dog fighting financer/troublemaker Mike Vick, who is (was) a black NFL quarterback.

Let's examine the current black quarterbacks in the NFL and the "scrutiny" they receive.

Did anyone watch the MNF game? Campbell got nothing but love from the booth. It was continuously brought up by filmroom guru and former Eagles quarterback Ron Jaworski how he's progressed in so few NFL starts. I've heard nothing but the same for Vince Young, who's in his second year in the league.

Now let's go a few years back: McNair was considered the toughest QB in football. He got nothing but praise for his gall. Remember how long he played with a cracked sternum, sprain or severe soreness? And remember how much respect he earned?

Look at the flip side. Garrard, along with his former quarterback teammate Byron Leftwich, has been criticized. But it's been fair: look at their career records and numbers. Leftwich hasn't been able to play a full season and wasn't released just because of injury and inconsistency; Jack Del Rio thought he wasn't a good leader. So that's why he chose Garrard, who was average last season in leading the team to a .500 record down the stretch.

The criticism was deserved: Garrard had a great running game, very good offensive line and decent receivers, along with a stellar defense (despite being banged up) that kept them in games. Yet Garrard could only go .500?

Sometimes, criticism is deserved.

And how about Jackson, the second year man out of Grambling St. Look at this guy's numbers. They're atrocious. Did anyone see last week's game against Detroit? He threw four interceptions - all of them off of his back foot and three of them into double or triple coverage and 20 yards over his receiver's head.

It doesn't matter if the Vikings receiver depth chart is full of No. 2 and No. 3 guys(Troy Williamson, Sidney Rice), you don't make those throws.

That's earned criticism.

Shall we venture back into recent past QBs like Shaun King or Charlie Batch or Vick?

Didn't think so.

The problem with McNabb, it seems, is that he's still hurt from the way last season ended after so many years of previous success. McNabb led the Eagles for four straight NFC title games and a SuperBowl berth in 2004. But he blew out his knee after a good statistical start last season and white quarterback Jeff Garcia takes over and leads the team to the second round of the playoffs.

Eagles fans rejoiced and praised Garcia for admirably coming off the bench and taking the team that far. McNabb was understandably hurt by that.

In the offseason, much was made about the health of McNabb, 30, and the possibility of resigning Garcia for another run at the postseason. That never happened. But many thought it should because of the severity of McNabb's knee injury and the lackluster Eagles play the previous season and a half before Garcia.

Now, McNabb's the starter again. And it's time to put the past behind him, shut his mouth, and get the Eagles back to the playoffs.

0-2: not the place to be

How close are the Atlanta Falcons to giving up on Joey Harrington? And how badly do they regret trading Matt Schaub, who's been a stud for the 2-0 Houston Texans?

Should they just tank the season now and play for the No. 1 pick, who will likely be Louisville Cardinal Brian Brohm? He very successfully quarterbacked for three years in former head coach and now Falcons head coach Bobby Petrino's system.

Apparently Atlanta remains optimistic for a Wildcard or NFC South title since they play in a division that doesn't appear to have a top team at the moment. (New Orleans looks like crap, Carolina is already disappointing, and Tampa Bay is coached by Jon Gruden).

That's why Atlanta may be turning it's sights to former Jacksonville Jaguars first-round pick Byron Leftwich.

ESPN.com's Chris Mortensen and Len Pasquarelli are reporting the Falcons met with Leftwich on Monday night to determine if they want to sign him. The Atlanta Journal-Constitution is reporting he's taking a physical today.

If Leftwich is signed, he will be the third quarterback behind Harrington and Chris Redman. Falcons coach Bobby Petrino wants to bring in a passer who can be developed in his system and ultimately compete for the job, while at the same time securing the depth behind Harrington.

Yeah, right. Leftwich will probably see action after just a few games if the Falcons continue to lose or Harrington plays crappy and they eek out wins, with the former being the more likely.

Harrington has already been sacked 13 times this season but Petrino has said it's not all the offensive line's fault.

I think right now Joey is playing a little bit conservative, a little bit not to throw the interception," Petrino said. "Therefore it is causing him to hold the ball. He just needs to open it up more with confidence and play to go win the game."

Hm. Joey Harrington playing conservative? No way! How dare Petrino have the audacity to say that? Doesn't he know he's talking about a quarterback with the two lowest yards per completion percentage in NFL history (2002, 2003)?

His numbers this season aren't too bad, but Harrington is notorious for using the checkdown option and never throwing down the field. Harrington's top receiver in 2003 was RB Shawn Bryson with 54 receptions. He's only led the Falcons to 10 points this season and his Detroit Lions offenses were cellar dwellers for years.

Granted, Harrington was surrounded by talentless assclowns for a few years in Detroit, but there's some options in Atlanta, namely TE Alge Crumpler. His running game is supposed to be a better support, too, with Warrick Dunn and Jerious Norwood instead of James Stewart and Bryson.

Questions have always been raised about Leftwich's mobility and release quickness, which may hurt him with a shaky offensive line and pass-dropping/non-seperation getting receivers. But can he be worse than Harrington?

And by the way: how about the Schaub fella', Atlanta? He's 36/50 for 452 yards, 3 TDs and an interception. More importantly he's got Houston to 2-0 while you're stuck at 0-2 and scratching your head about choosing Mike Vick over Schaub.

UPDATE: Simpson a suspect in casino break-in

Between looking for the murderers of his wife Nicole Simpson and poolboy Ron Goldman and having a big head, O.J. Simpson is a suspect in breaking into a Las Vegas casino hotel room involving sports memorabilia.

The break-in was reported Thursday night; Simpson was released and is still believed to be in Las Vegas a police spokesman said.

Investigators planned to give their report to prosecutors today and then the D.A. will decide whether to pursue charges.

No word if A.C. Cowlings picked up Simpson from the cop shop.

By the way, we had no idea the Goldman family changed the name of Simpson's 'hypothetical' book from "If I Did It" to "I Did It." How clever. The book is currently No. 2 on Amazon.com's bestsellers.

UPDATE: From the AP: Investigators questioned O.J. Simpson and named him a suspect Friday in a break-in at a casino hotel room involving sports memorabilia.

The actor and former football star told The Associated Press he went to the room to get memorabilia that belonged to him, but didn't break into it.

Do you know this kid?

If you watched the West Virginia-Maryland game last night, you saw this dynamo. You know, the speedy and shifty running back who's dazzling cuts and fifth gear made your jaw drop.

We're not talking about Steve Slaton. We love the guy, but this isn't him.

This is Noel Devine.

In just three games, he's rushed for 256 yards on 17 carries (15 yards per carry!) and three touchdowns. He busted a 76 yarder last night in the Mountaineers 31-14 win but was tackled at the 1-yard-line by a Terrapin defender who had an angle.

He's a true freshman coming off a remarkable yet controversial high school career.

Devine rushed for 6,842 yards and 92 touchdowns in his illustrious high school career at Fort Myers High School in Florida. We're not trying to brag, but we first caught wind of Devine over three years ago when his highlight clip was sent to us by a buddy who writes for Scout.com.

He's all over YouTube now - five pages worth of videos if you search for him. This one is our favorite.

The controversy, you ask? (Scout subscription required) This 19-year-old has two kids, lost both parents before he was 11-years-old, lost his best friend to a shooting and bounced around with guardians (including Deion Sanders) during high school before settling in with the Harlow family.

He almost had to choose prep school because of grades but got himself straight before signing with West Virginia.

Now he's wreaking havoc in D-I football.

Keep your eyes on this human pinball; we've got at least three more seasons of this.

If you've seen him run or checked out that clip, your next question is probably, "Is he NFL ready?" Well, can a 5-foot-8, 170-pound running back make The League? It's possible. But can he keep the grades and fatherhood responsibilities straight through college?

Get back to work! Fantasy football costs U.S. companies $435 million a week

We heard this on CNN's business section of their morning show but couldn't find anything on CNN.com. So we googled and found a report from about three weeks ago. Check out these numbers:

U.S. companies could lose up to 435 million dollars a week from lost productivity by workers who use on-the-clock time to play fantasy football.

The report, from the firm Challenger Gray and Christmas Inc., used an average salary of $80,000 of each fantasy participant to obtain the lost productivity estimate. (Real quick: An average salary of $80,000?! Whoa!) These numbers apparently come from comscore.com and hitwise.com research that indicates the average fantasy football player makes between $60,000 and $100,000 per year.

So, anyway these "average" workers make $6.40 per minute and if they use 10 minutes a day then that's $64 per worker.

Couple that with Fantasy Sports Trade Association's estimated 13.6 million Americans who indulge in the luscious fantasy football world and there you have your wasted money.

Kevin Everett's spine experienced a force of 2/3 a ton

Apparently, according to the sidebar to this ESPN.com story, two-thirds of a ton of compressed force crushed Buffalo Bills third-year tight end Kevin Everett's spinal cord and spine as he attempted a tackle in Sunday's game against the Denver Broncos.

The human body is not made to sustain a blow like that; regardless if that person is a well-conditioned professional athlete.

A full recovery is not likely, said the surgeon who operated on Everett. In fact, his spinal-cord injury was called "catastrophic" and is life-threatening.

This is truly a sad story for the 25-year-old, his family, friends and teammates.

This quote is bothersome from punter teammate Brian Moorman, who was waiting for a thumbs up as Everett was carted off the field.

"That's what I was waiting for, and that's what everybody else was waiting for," Moorman said. "And to have to walk back to the sideline and not see that made for a tough time."

We can only hope Everett fully heals.

Fear the mohawk

The New York Giants were probably going to finish 8-8 and miss the playoffs even with a healthy QB Eli Manning and RB Brandon Jacobs.

Now, they'll be lucky to win six games with the late day news that Manning will likely miss a month with a slightly separated shoulder and Jacobs will miss 3-5 weeks with a sprained MCL.

Dallas Cowboys rookie defensive end/linebacker/one of our backyard boys Anthony Spencer is to blame. Or to thank if you're a Cowboys fan or Giants hater.

Spencer sacked and slammed Manning to the field during the Giants' fourth quarter two-point conversion attempt. Earlier in the game, Jacobs ran into Spencer and slammed his knee into the former Bishop Luers High School (Fort Wayne) and Purdue University standout.

Some shameless self promotion here but we interviewed Spencer at the NFL Combine and thought he was extraordinary.

Rick Ankiel and HGH

There's been a lot of blogging/writing about this today and judging by Ballhype and Technorati, this is easily the most blogged story in several weeks.

Our opinion is simple: If Ankiel used HGH, he needs to come clean. But everyone should also note that he received HGH - which only helps heal, not make stronger or faster or quicker or your head grow - in 2004, which is before MLB banned the substance in 2005. Plus he hasn't been accused by authorities of any wrongdoing.

Here are just a few tremendous blog and .com entries we've found today:

Rick Ankiel: What we lost, and what we never had (Deadspin)

Rick Ankiel: Still "The Natural?" (STL Today)

The Not So Natural? (The Big Lead)

Ankel's feel-good story doesn't feel right anyore (Jeff Passan, Yahoo! Sports)

1998 all over again? (Buster Olney, ESPN.com)

P.S. As much as we respect Ankiel and his accomplished comeback, we can't stand when he's referred to as "The Natural" or "Roy Hobbs." Fictionalized character or not, the only thing they have in common is that they play baseball and overcame huge odds to play again. Each player's story is completely different.

Did brain damage cause Chris Benoit to unhinge?

Repeated concussions could have caused former pro wrestling star Chris Benoit to kill his wife, son and then himself last June, according to analysis by doctors affiliated with the Sports Legacy Institute.

Analysis of Benoit's brain showed that he suffered damage from multiple concussions, likely from his many years in the wrestling ring.

While there's no conclusive evidence brain damage caused him to snap, Benoit's level of scrambled eggs brain can cause depression and irrational behavior.

Pro wrestlers are expected to be tough and "suck up" the injuries they suffer in the ring. They're burly characters who can take chair shots and slams to the mat. Wrestling is fake, yes, but the body is not designed to be slammed for over 300 nights a year. Plus, one of his patented moves was the flying headbutt off the top rope. Fake or not, when you go headfirst into a guy almost every match, you're bound for a concussion.

Furthermore, pro wrestlers don't make squat money when they're injured and have no choice to remain in the ring and on tour - concussions included. That means their heads get rattled even worse.

Another theory behind Benoit's murder-suicide is steroids, of which he had 10 times the level of testosterone in his body.

While the latter theory looks worse for the WWE and sports in general, Vince McMahon is in trouble. Congress is coming after him. Remember, 10 wrestlers were just 'suspended' for violation the WWE's 'Wellness Policy.'

How things will shake out for Vince McMahon and the WWE is uncertain at this point.

Michigan falls out of Top 25

The questions are over.

After suffering the most embarassing loss in college football history, the University of Michigan has fallen out of the AP top 25 college football poll. They're also out of the USA Today poll.

NDub has been a Michigan fan for life. We were born in Michigan and raised a fan of the teams in the state. It's in our blood. From our grandfathers on down to us.

So the loss stings. But we're just about over it. We've thought for a while that Lloyd Carr needs to go and this loss only solidifies our stance and hopefully shuts up the apologists. An online petition is circulating to fire Carr.

Appalachian State wasn't a better team. They were smaller, perhaps almost as fast, and not nearly as strong. But their coaches were better prepared. And most importantly, App State wanted it more. The DIAA school deserved victory.

So where does Michigan go from here? It must, obviously, move on. The season is far too young to call a loss, though, this loss will resonate in these players' minds for the rest of the season and probably the rest of their collegiate careers.

The National Title hopes are all but over. But, contrary to what ESPN talking heads have said over the past few days, this Michigan team wasn't a championship contender before App. State. The defense was going to be nearly porous. A BCS team? Perhaps. Definitely not a National Championship team.

Now, the Wolverines must move forward with Carr at the helm - at least just for this season.

We'd like to see the Wolverines slaughter opponents the rest of the season in the name of this astonishing embarassment. But that's the homer fan in us. Realistically, this is probably a nine win team that won't win the Big Ten (Wisconsin, Penn State).

It's just the reality. Nearly as real as losing 34-32 to Appalachian State at The Big House.

Reliving Ethan Albright's letter to John Madden

With the NFL regular season just a few days away and Thursday night's season opener being broadcast on NBC, home of senile broadcaster John Madden, we offer you this 2006 letter to the old man himself.

From Washington Redskins longsnapper Ethan Albright comes this literary masterpiece and ultimate insult-laden prose.

To: John Madden
CC: Electronic Arts Sports
From: Ethan Albright
Re: Being the worst rated player on Madden ‘07

Hi, John, my name is Ethan Albright. I play line for the Washington Redskins. You probably already knew that, so I’ll continue. I am writing in regards to the overall player rating of 53 that I have received in Madden NFL Football 2007. I feel that this is fucking bullshit and you should kiss my mother-fucking ass. Ahmed Carroll was rated a 78 and the Packers just cut his ass on a Tuesday morning after his performance in a Monday night game. That is pretty terrible. The worst part is that his overall rating was sniffing 80.

You know what, John? Two can play this game. I rate you a fucking 12. I rate you a fucking 12 in Ethan Albright Football 2000-ever… except for in the category of ball-licking. That is where I will spot you a 98 rating. You will receive this score because I will never give your blubbery ass a 99 in any category. Take that, pencil-dick. Go do Al Micheals or something. Boom. Score one for Red Beard.

It’s also pretty wonderful that my awareness rating was 59. You make it sound like I wake up in the morning, helplessly shit and piss myself, then lose three of my teeth before I discover that I am trying to eat a rock for breakfast. Fuck, John, I understand you saying that I am slow and lacking athleticism, but a rating like this pretty much labels me as retarded. Rod “He Hate Me” Smart has a 52 in this category. Electronic Arts is saying that seven rating points separate me and the breathing embodiment of the perfect oxymoron. Rod Smart struggled to arrange words in sentence form. Cave men had better hold of the English language. The only actions that separate point values of ignorance at this embarrassing level are things like using your own toothbrush to wipe your ass. I basically edged out Rod by my lack of shit teeth. If I take a night school class, could you bump me up to a 60?

I guess I just can’t fathom the fact that I am the absolute worst player rated out of the entire NFL. Fuck, man, there are some shitty guys out there. Amongst everyone, I was rated the absolute worst.

I have received the impression that you feel that I am lacking in the agility category. I should consider a walk through my living room where I don’t crash through a wall or kick over furniture a resounding success. My agility rating on your game is 33. It makes it sound like I just topple over if I start walking too fast. Ted Washington is rated a 40 in agility. He is listed at 365 pounds. If Ted Washington tied a white lady up and made her wear a metal bikini, he’d look just like Jabba the Hut.

John, you are such a fucking dick. I also noticed that my kick return rating was a 0. I was rated a fucking zero? So you feel that I shouldn’t even receive a 10, or even a 5? You are pretty much saying that I couldn’t even fall forward on a ball kicked in my direction. I would just stand there and let the ball bounce off of my fucking face. Fuck that, John, I returned an onside kick 6 yards in 2002. You should have just slapped a - 4 on me and had the EA staff ambush me with paintball guns.

Finally, I would like to comment on an unlikely topic, my pass coverage ratings. I see that I am a better at man-to-man coverage (31) than zone (21). Fuck me sideways with a lunchbox. Where did these scores even come from? How much time is spent coming up with the pass coverage ratings of offensive lineman? Can I have that job? Let’s see here, I think that Orlando Pace would be slightly better at jumping intermediate routes than Larry Allen. While I’m at it, I can assign the passing ratings for offensive lineman as well. I can use mine as a guide.

I was rated with a throwing power of 17 and accuracy of 16. Orlando Pace has a 22 power and 17 accuracy rating. Did someone at EA really put time into figuring out that Orlando Pace edges out Ethan Albright in both throwing power and accuracy? I will challenge him any day. My horrible passer ratings are of greatest misfortune to my son, Red Beard Jr. The poor boy is not only hideously ugly and covered by freakishly large freckles. He also has to suffer through playing catch with me and my senile-elderly-woman-type passer ratings. A session of tossing the pigskin usually consists of me missing my son by thirty yards in sporadic directions. I led him in front of a fire truck once and my wife kicked my ass. This is because of my 76 toughness rating. Yes, a 76 is far better than the other ratings, but I’m a fucking lineman, damn it. NFL Linemen are considered to be synonymous with toughness. According to your game, I am a retarded, uncoordinated, pussy-ass fuckwad that can’t fall on a kickoff, throw, or spell. I am, however, slightly better at manning up on a receiver than dropping into zone coverage. You lose your mind more and more each year, old man.

Fuck you, John. Please expect to find red pubes in various meals you consume for the rest of your life. If you fuck with Ethan Albright, you call down the thunder.

Rot in Hell,

Ethan Albright