Ranking the mustaches of NFL head coaches

We only counted seven NFL head coaches currently with mustaches. They vary greatly, but all have on thing in common: they're sweet. Defined, as per dictionary.com:

mus·tache also mous·tache (mŭs'tāsh', mə-stāsh')
n.
1. The hair growing on the human upper lip, especially when cultivated and groomed.
Something similar to the cultivated, groomed hair on the human upper lip, as:
2. A group of bristles or hairs about the mouth of an animal.
Distinctive coloring or feathers near the beak of a bird.
Food or drink sticking conspicuously to the upper lip: wiped the milk mustache from my face.

7. Herm Edwards
The "You Play to Win the Game!" 'stache. Thin and light, with a touch of gray. This is the only time you'll see Edwards smile.










6. Tony Dungy
God hand-picked Dungy to do His good work on Earth. He needed that worker to be presentable to the non-believers and Ten Commandment violaters, therefore, God gave the Colts head coach a neatly-trimmed and non-overbearing 'stache.





5. Jeff Fisher
The longest-tenured with one team 'stache is ever-changing. Fisher sometimes starts the season with a bristly rectangle above his upper lip but when the leaves begin to turn and the brisk fall winds start whipping, this 'stache turns to a beard or goatee.




4. Romeo Crennel
Possibly the only black man in America with this gaudy of a mustache (aside from your local news anchor), Crennel's 'stache hangs over his lips like his belly over his beltline.





3. Andy Reid
This 'stache apparently doesn't have enough time for his family or to cleanly run his basement meth lab. Normally the stress of raising troublesome children turns hair gray. Reid, however, defies those odds by using Just For Men Beard Color "Red" on his 'stache.




2. Brad Childress
It was a close call, but Clueless Childress fell short of first-place. We let our hatred for his playcalling (give AD the ball on every down) blind our decision to give him tops on this prestigous list. This 'stache reminds us of the wide broom you used to sweep your driveway after covering it with grass clippings from your recent lawn mow.



1. Mike Holmgren
This 'stache has gotten better with age. From his days on Bill Walsh's hip pocket as an assistant to those blustery days as the shotcaller up in Green Bay, Holmgren's 'stache is well-traveled and it's even earned the portly coach a nickname - "Walrus." It now resides in rainy Seattle and is often covered to relay playcalls to it's balding quarterback. It's susceptible to wind burn (see playoff game against Bears last season) and angry outbursts, but is always ready to give a free ride to a lucky lady.